Valentine’s Day in my office can always be relied upon to provide a few chuckles. But this year certainly rang the bell on the cringe-o-meter. First to dip her toe in the pool of humility was a young girl in my team, who, blinded by pound signs and the ring of “kerching” in her ears, was eager to bag her junior trader boyfriend.

Seizing the opportunity, she bought a helium balloon bearing the words “Will you marry me?” and had it delivered ­direct to his office. She ignored my advice of: “Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?” given that she’s only been going out with him for a few months. And guess who got the death stares when the box came back to her with a shriveled shred of rubber ­inside and a card reading: “No, and you’re dumped”?

But for one particularly greedy colleague, that old adage, “The best things coming in small packages”, certainly didn’t ring true this year. It all started well enough for her – she didn’t hold back in boasting about the surprise weekend in New York with a pony carriage trot around Central Park, where her lover produced a small leather box.

Greedy Girl, thinking that she’d hit the diamond jackpot, raced into the office yesterday flashing the rock, and wasted no time in getting the sugar lump-sized ring valued. The hissy fit that she threw after returning from the jewellers, where she was told that the ring was in fact costume ­jewellery, would have left Janice Dickinson gasping in awe.

The ultimate showstopper, though, was the HR Manager, who was overheard squealing to my boss that she had ­spotted a dinner reservation confirmation from a Paris ­restaurant on our MD’s desk. All day, we had to put up with her hint-­dropping about being whisked off by her “secret” lover.

The rumour was compounded when she was last seen crying in the loo, protesting “how unfair” it all was after the MD informed his PA that he wouldn’t be back in the office until Monday as he was enjoying a romantic weekend with his wife. Oh, and could she contact the private jet company and make the arrangements for their return journey?